Why male foster carers are so important:

For Steven, giving someone a better start isn’t limited to their physical needs but also extends to being a positive male role model for his foster child.

Male foster carers are incredibly important for a variety of reasons, but especially with the decrease in Scottish foster care households (down 4.8% in December 2022 from 2021).

Boys and young men in the foster system may not have any good male influences in their lives, and this can prove to be pivotal for young people who may identify more with and learn from male role models. The diversity that male foster carers can bring to the role can also help provide different and balanced perspectives for young people needing guidance and support.

“I thought I could be someone to look up to. At first, it didn’t matter to me that I was going to be a male foster carer, I was just going to be a foster carer but now I understand just how important it is. Not just for a child that might be in your care, but also for the entire fostering community. The sooner we can normalise men fostering, the sooner we can be rid of stigma and the sooner we can get more positive father figures for vulnerable young people.”

Small Acorns grow to mighty oaks:

Steven is also part of a group, Acorns, where male foster carers and their foster children gather to socialise. Thanks to Steven’s help, the group now meets at one of the local colleges to take part in activities that require more specialist equipment. It gives them the opportunity to do things like cooking, joinery, motor vehicle maintenance and repair and beauty therapy.

He described Acorns as being a safe place for carers and foster children.

“Sometimes people see fostering as a ‘woman’s job’, and it can be a difficult thing to do, even without all of the stigma. For me, one of the best parts of Acorns is that a group of men, all foster carers, can meet up, have a chat, and even rant if they need to, to people that ‘get it’. All while enjoying really valuable bonding time with their foster child. We have something really special and I feel grateful to be a part of it.”

Following the footsteps of her parents, Lorraine said, “Since then, Robert and I helped mum and dad out so they could have that break and see their friends. We had the children for sleepovers, then we did respite fostering, it was so natural, and we just loved it so much that we went all in”.

Fostering with her partner, Robert, for over 10 years now, Lorraine said, “It really doesn’t feel like I have been fostering for a decade, it just feels like I have always been fostering. I really can’t imagine my life without children in the house, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

“This is a very open house and before the pandemic, the door was always open with friends and family always in and out. I have two grown-up children who are 22 and 24 and I think they’ll always stay here. It is a busy house, but I hope it is like this for another 10 years.”

Reflecting on how fostering has impacted their lives, Lorraine said: “I think it makes us all appreciate what we have and makes you think about yourself a lot more. With my own birth children, I think even the little things make them appreciate Robert and me a lot more.”

As a former Nursery Nurse and Nanny, Lorraine has lots of experience working with children and young people, she said: “I always knew children would be in my future whether that was having my own or working with them. I worked for a Policewoman as her nanny for a few years and I am still in contact with them all. The boy moved to Australia, but I stay in touch via Facebook, and I get to see her and her daughter often as they live close by and I even get to see their grandchildren often for coffee and catchups. After all of that, I then moved on to have my own children with my partner.”

A good support network has helped them over the years, Lorraine explains: “We are very lucky as we have a fantastic support network. I have a family who just truly accepts every child who comes into our home and treats them like family. My mum and dad have always been such a massive part of our lives, even more now during the coronavirus pandemic.”

Sharing one of the most challenging parts of fostering, Lorraine said: “I think the most challenging part was when we had a little boy who moved on into residential care, which broke my heart at the time. But with the support from Fosterplus, I realised that for some children, a normal family isn’t enough and that he needed more professional help to get him to a place of where he needed to be.”

“He was with us as a family for nearly six years before he moved on and he was such a big part of our family, so it definitely has been one of the hardest things we as a family have experienced.

“I was a part of the process to help him move on, but Fosterplus offered fantastic support during this time and helped provide us and the boy with the support we needed.”

When asked about the most rewarding part of fostering, Lorraine said: “There are tons. This has to be the most rewarding job, if you want to call it that, but there are rewards every day.”

During the last 10 years, Lorraine has particularly enjoyed the experience of fostering siblings. She said: “I’ve had two experiences with fostering siblings. My first experience was with two boys, who fought a lot. If their fighting continued they would have had no relationship whatsoever.

Acknowledging the impact their behaviour was having on each other, it was assessed that they need to be placed separately, in order for their individual needs to be met. They did get to see each other often and it actually built up their relationship again and eventually, they came back together but they needed that initial separation.

“The two girls we have now settled in really well and enjoy having each other. They do stick up for each other, so you have to try and find ways to give them both the exact same time and attention.

“The older sibling found it hard when they came to our home because she had technically been a mother figure for her younger sister for a few years, but they both have come to terms of accepting me as their mother figure.”

While many have considered the pandemic to be one of their biggest challenges, Lorraine has found the opposite, she explains: “I personally think I have found fostering easier during the pandemic. Although the girls have missed out on so much, so we do what we can.

“We often read a book and to begin with, neither girls had read a book before they came here and now, I can’t get the book out of their hands, so that is a fantastic achievement.”

Lorraine’s advice to anyone who may be thinking about becoming a foster parent would be to “treat everything with love. Even when they are angry, rather than shouting, as that’s what they have had in the past, treat your reaction with love.

“Definitely consider fostering, even if you just think it might be something you want to do. Attend the information evenings, speak to other foster carers because I can guarantee you, it will totally change your life.

“Fostering is not a job, it is a life-changing experience, but it is the most rewarding thing you will ever do. I absolutely love it and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

“There are not enough foster carers out there for the number of children who need somebody to help make their lives better.”

If you would like to learn more about short break fostering, why not get in touch. One of our team members would love to tell you about the process, our support package and generous fostering allowances to help you decide if it’s right for you.

“‘No you’re not having a baby!’” she recalls Billy saying. “It’s the one thing my husband said ‘no’ to but then I received a call from my social worker saying they had a baby that needed placement and I said I’d be there in two minutes and away I went. I ended up adopting him.”

Maryelen is a mum to six children (three of which she and Billy adopted), and is currently fostering a 10-year-old boy, who arrived just before his eighth birthday and she has permanent care of him.

When asked to describe her current foster child, Maryelen was excited to chat about how funny and curious he is, especially when it comes to his heritage and culture.

She said: “He’s always wanted to know his culture and where he’s from. He knows he’s Nigerian, and so we decided to learn about it. He doesn’t have much contact with his birth mother, so we’re finding ways for him to find out who he is and feel connected to his heritage. He thrives on it.”

Maryelen explained that it’s so important for foster children to feel connected to the things that make them unique: “It’s good to know everyone’s culture – I try to learn as much as I can so I’m not offending a child or their birth family. I don’t ever want them in an awkward situation. And if it’s important to the child or their family, then we do what we need to do. My husband is the same, we do what we can to make them feel comfortable and I think it’s our duty to make that happen for them.”

Maryelen has also founded a charity to support children born with Foetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) after all three of her adopted children were born with the condition and urges anyone thinking of fostering to learn more about disabilities, in particular those that affect infants and young children.

“I think you need as much training as you can get on kids with disabilities,” she said. “One in 20 children in Scotland have FASD and roughly 95% of the children in the fostering and adoption systems have the condition so we really need people with good knowledge.”

If you would like to learn more about fostering, get in touch with us today. Or read more about becoming a foster parent to find out more about the process and what’s involved. 

Reflecting on their journey with their first two children, Brenda said: “We found that once they had settled in our home and family, they often expressed to us how they wished they had young siblings.

“After a number of conversations, they were on board with us all giving fostering another try and to take on another sibling group again.” Kenny added: “We knew permanent fostering was for us and especially for the children and that is just what happened.”

In 2019, the couple then welcomed three siblings, turning the family household into a wonderful seven members.

Kenny and Brenda said they will always remember the day the three siblings joined their family. Brenda shared: “It was the afternoon of Halloween and that day already holds a special place in our heart, as it was the exact same day Kenny and I first met back in 1981.”

The process has unsurprisingly brought its challenges. “Lockdown has certainly exacerbated our challenges but overall, the introduction of three new siblings has ultimately been very positive. It has taught our oldest two to learn how to share and to be patient.”

One tip the couple shared was to make sure you spend time with all the children, together and separately. Kenny commented: “We always make time for them. When the youngest three go to bed on a school night, the older two tend to stay up a little longer so we can do a movie night. It is a great way to let them know we still have time for them.”

Brenda added: “It is tricky when you have five children to make time for them, to make time as a couple and for yourself, but it is doable, and it is worth doing.”

For Kenny and Brenda, some of the most rewarding moments have been seeing how far their children have come in both mental, emotional and academic forms. Kenny shared: “When our oldest boy first came to us, he couldn’t read or write. Fast forward to this present day and he is now a different boy. Now with several A-levels under his belt, that was a proud moment for us as this is a life skill that will unlock so many doors for him in his life.”

Travelling the world is one activity the family love to do together. Usually going on holidays every year, the family had to temporarily stop due to the pandemic, however this year the family planned a break away to a villa in the South of France.

Brenda shared: “We have this wonderful family tradition where we stop an hour before the villa, change into our swimwear, and once we arrive, we all run and jump into the pool together. It is honestly one of the best ways we kick start our family holidays.”

For those looking to follow in the couple’s footsteps, Brenda shared some advice: “Every single day, even on the challenging days, I thank my lucky stars we took that initial leap to foster.

“It is life-changing but it is also life-enhancing and I can’t imagine life without our children in it. It is busy, it is noisy, and it is challenging at times, but it is absolutely worthwhile.”

Kenny shared: “Go for it. It is a long process; it may seem never-ending at some points, but I can say without a doubt that it is totally worth it in the long run.”

If you would like to learn more about long term fostering today, why not each in touch. One of our team members would love to tell you about the process, our support package and generous foster career pay allowances to help you decide if it’s right for you. Not ready to chat yet? No problem, why not read about how to become a foster parent.

“I truly believe the path you take in life determines the effect you have on other people – and from then on I wanted to make a difference.”

At the end of July 2018, the couple welcomed their first two foster siblings to the family home: “It has been a wonderful experience and I truly believe we have been perfectly matched. We have a great relationship with the boys, and we couldn’t be happier.”

Sarah believes it is the support she has received throughout her fostering journey with Fosterplus that has been the difference. She explains: “Everybody at the Fosterplus office has been extremely helpful and supportive, particularly Katie, the manager. I called Katie really upset once as my social worker was unavailable due to annual leave and Katie drove all the way to accompany me to a meeting.”

“Lauren, our social worker, has also been such an important part of our lives, she is there for us no matter the time of day. It’s things like this that really stay with you because regardless of what happens during your fostering journey – you will always be supported wholeheartedly. That’s the reason why I chose to foster with Fosterplus, as the level of support and care is just amazing.”

The family’s journey so far has already given the family many rewarding memories. They’ve started to see their foster children blossom into more relaxed, happy, and confident young boys. There have been a few particularly special moments that have stood out from the rest, Sarah reveals.

“That moment when they’ve got sheer confidence standing up on that big stage at their school play. You can just see them looking for you and then you see such a change in the way that they are standing and singing because they’ve caught your eye and they know you are there for them. You wave and they wave back at you!”

“It’s those moments when they come home, and they have their achievement certificates or football trophies, or they’ve learnt a new song on the piano and it just makes you burst with pride.”

Sarah’s best advice to anyone considering fostering would be to talk to a fostering agency: “Phone up the agency, ask them questions, invite a social worker to the house and find out how you can make a difference to a child’s life.  Ask what levels of support that you can give to help a child.”

If you would like to learn more about fostering, why not get in touch. One of our team members would love to tell you about the process, our support package and generous foster career pay allowances to help you decide if it’s right for you.

Not only was fostering a first for them, but so was parenting due to having no children of their own.

“George and I met later on in life and with a busy work schedule we just didn’t find the time to have children of our own.

“If we’d have met 10 years earlier life it may have been very different, but we wouldn’t change it for the world as we’ve had the opportunity to give something back to children who really need our support. Besides, fostering has given us the ability to become first time parents and I’m really grateful for that.”

Denise, 48, and George, 50, welcomed their 13-year-old foster daughter into their home, who quickly showed them the challenges that can come with parenting.

“We’ve had to learn very quickly; it was the complete unknown for George and I. When Daisy* arrived, she was extremely withdrawn and didn’t trust anyone. She didn’t even unpack her belongings for six weeks, which was extremely hard for us.”

However, with the love and care that Denise and George showed for her it didn’t take Daisy long before she came out of her shell and started to flourish into a bright, and confident young teenager.

“We can’t believe the change in Daisy, it’s as if we are caring for a completely different child. She has made us extremely proud.”

“We’ve watched her finish high school, secure a place at college, pass her driving test and compete in the Equestrian National Championships. I’m not sure any of these things would have happened if we hadn’t given Daisy a second chance in life.”

Denise and George’s family of three quickly became a family of five when the couple were placed with two siblings a year and a half after caring for Daisy.

The siblings both have chronic medical conditions which makes their behaviour a little challenging. “You have to understand that these children have had a poor start in life, and even though you might be looking at a young adult you have to remind yourself that developmentally they’re still only young.”

Denise added: “It’s been a big transitional change; it’s been just the two of us for a very long time and now our lifestyle has completely changed. Holidays for two have now turned into holidays for five.”

“You have school clubs to think about, scouts, brownies, meals out – it’s endless, but becoming parents is the greatest gift we’ve ever been given.”

Denise and George have cared for five children, two of which were with them on respite care. Talking about their decision to foster more children in the future, Denise said: “We’ve only ever looked after girls, I’m not sure why, it’s been a complete fluke, but we would definitely love to help other children in less fortunate positions, but we don’t mind what gender, we are open to helping all children that could benefit from a better start in life.”

“After all, it’s the most emotionally rewarding thing we’ve ever done.”

Denise and George are part of our Edinburgh fostering team – if you’re interested in becoming a foster parent and would like to learn more, then speak to one of our fostering advisers today.

So the couple went ahead and applied to become foster carers. Their dreams were fulfilled after being approved, and shortly after welcomed their first children into their home, a brother and sister aged four and six. Five years on and the children continue to live with Irene.

“It hasn’t always been easy. The children had some challenging behavioural issues and I was thankful for the support I was given from the local team, family and friends. We’ve all worked hard to make sure they receive the help and support they need to progress. I’m so proud of how far they have come.

“We soon realised that they just wanted to be loved and have people around them that they could call family. They saw me and my husband as role models.”

Fostering has brought the family so many great memories. Irene recalls a family holiday to Florida and noticed tears flowing down one of their children’s faces. When asked what was wrong he replied “they’re happy tears, I can’t believe what I’m seeing.”

Five years on, Irene said, “being loved by these children is a massive thing and loving them back is another”.

One of Irene’s biggest surprises about being a Foster Carer is the positive influence it has on her own children. Irene’s daughter is now completing a degree in Social Work at university. “I am so proud of her and how she’s been inspired to help those less fortunate and vulnerable in our society”, Irene added.

It’s estimated that fostering services need to recruit a further 5,900 foster families in the UK, over the next 12 months. If you’d like to learn more about fostering siblings, then please get in touch with our friendly team – we’d love to hear from you.